The quarrel…
I had not imagined I would ever again be swept into such a storm of emotion. The pressure inside me from unexpressed feelings became unbearable. I took my three flat stones and went down to the shore.
I wept and wept. Suddenly I began rubbing all my tears into the stones with my hands, over and over again. Then anger surged: I hurled the stones, one after the other, into the water with the force of my rage.
I rose and walked into the cold water. In my anguish I paced back and forth, splashing water over myself in fury. Finally, I walked out deep, up to my neck, letting the cold penetrate my body.
Still, the pain did not leave me. I walked onto the sand, lay down, and scooped sand over myself with my hands. I rubbed it into my body until I was covered. The sand clung to my wet skin.
I sat there for a while. Then I walked back into the water, deep. I submerged myself completely in the cold. I came to shore — and went back in again. I submerged once more.
I shivered from the cold, yet did not feel cold. I felt, at last, purified. Trembling, my teeth chattering, I knew the burden had been lifted from my aching body.
I rose and retrieved my three stones from the lake. My weeping stones. Thus they were born — in the presence of raw, primal pain.
My man stood nearby watching. He led me to the sauna for a warm shower and lit the fire. I showered and showered, but the heat did not reach me.
He took the showerhead and directed the water over me for a long time. Leaning my head against the wall, water flowing all around me, I experienced something strange.
Suddenly, though my eyes were closed, it was as if I could see — and I was utterly alert. The image felt like a memory. A memory of the womb.
My awareness was steady, unwavering, fully present. I felt layers being placed upon it in the water — step by step, stage by stage — a body forming around my consciousness.
My awareness was firm, composed, stepping into another state of being. As if in the water it was being clothed, prepared for what was to come — like a queen in her coronation, being adorned, positioned, and sent forth to fulfil her role.
My consciousness looked ahead, steady and resolute.
Below is a symbolic interpretation of the experience step by step.
1. The beginning – the quarrel as a trigger
Physical event:
A fierce quarrel, unbearable inner pressure, the decision to take three stones to the shore.
Symbolic meaning:
The quarrel opens a “gateway” to an uncontrolled emotional current. The three stones act as tangible carriers of fragments of the soul. The number three often carries mythical connections to the Fates, to alchemical trinities, and to the tripartite structure of rites of passage (separation – transition – return).
Unconscious ritual function:
Here the unconscious spontaneously selects objects (stones) to “receive” and hold emotional energy. Taking the stones is an instinctive, ritual-like preparation.
2. Tears and rage – elemental transfer
Physical event:
Weeping, rubbing tears into the stones, throwing them into the water.
Symbolic meaning:
Water = the element of emotion and the subconscious.
The tears charge the stones with a personal, organic “seal power.”
Throwing them is both banishment (exorcismus) and transfer (translatio) — through the stones the pain is passed into the water.
Unconscious ritual function:
A phase of purification and transference, in which emotional energy is bound to matter and then released into the custody of a natural element.
3. Entering the cold water – the ordeal
Physical event:
Walking into cold water, standing up to the neck, splashing, going deeper.
Symbolic meaning:
Cold water = liminal space, the boundary between life and death, past and future.
Standing neck-deep = surrender to the forces of nature without escape.
Splashing = release of aggression and raw energy.
Unconscious ritual function:
A trial phase in the rite of passage — body and mind are tested at the limits, shifting consciousness beyond its normal state.
4. Burial in sand – grounding and the symbol of death
Physical event:
Lying on the sand, scooping it over oneself, skin fully covered.
Symbolic meaning:
Sand = the element of earth, stopping, the pause between death and rebirth.
Being covered = symbolic death, detachment from the old identity.
Unconscious ritual function:
The “decay stage” of a rite of passage: the old self is buried before the new can emerge.
5. Returning again and again to the water – repeated purification
Physical event:
Multiple immersions in cold water.
Symbolic meaning:
Triple or repeated immersion is a universal ritual of purification (archetype of baptism).
Water acts as the medium that washes away the remnants of death before new life begins.
Unconscious ritual function:
Repetition drives the experience deeper into the unconscious, sealing the closure of the “old chapter.”
6. Retrieving the stones – sealing the rite
Physical event:
Retrieving the three stones from the lake, naming them weeping stones.
Symbolic meaning:
The stones now return purified but carrying the memory of the event. They have become ritual objects — relics of pain and at the same time vessels of strength.
Unconscious ritual function:
Seals the experience into a tangible form, which can serve as a psychic anchor in the future.
7. Sauna and shower – the return of warmth
Physical event:
Being taken to the sauna, showering, but warmth not reaching the body at first.
Symbolic meaning:
This is the return phase, but the delay (heat not felt) shows that the transition is not yet complete. Body and mind are not fully integrated into the new state.
Unconscious ritual function:
Receiving warmth becomes the threshold to the next, deeper experience.
8. Memory of the womb – rebirth
Physical event:
Vision or sensation of being in the womb, body being clothed layer by layer.
Symbolic meaning:
Water = amniotic fluid, the time before birth.
Layer by layer clothing = the construction of a new body and identity.
The queen-at-coronation image = the archetype of a new, stronger role entered after preparation.
Unconscious ritual function:
The final stage of the liminal phase: the new self is “born” and symbolically steps into its role, carrying the transformative power of the experience.
