Dishonesty is part of the human condition, but it is not part of a healthy relationship. It is human to avoid the truth in difficult situations. However, if dishonesty becomes a pattern that blocks intimacy and authentic connection, it must be addressed. A relationship cannot rest on a solid foundation if there is no courage or willingness to truly encounter the other.
Genuine honesty is the deepest form of relationship. It does not mean perfection or faultlessness, but rather the desire to be fully seen and to see the other in the same way. Dishonesty, by contrast, is an obstacle to love and connection, and thus dismantling it is an essential part of each partner’s freedom.
When truth is absent, neither partner can trust what is really happening within the relationship. Dishonesty manifests in many forms, not all of them equally visible or easy to recognise. Repeated lies and betrayals erode trust, but so too do subtler shades—avoidance, concealment of feelings, suppression of inner conflicts, or passive-aggressive behaviours—all of which gnaw at the very foundations of the bond.
Often, dishonest behaviour is not driven by the desire to hurt a partner, but by the need to protect oneself from fear, shame, or the pain of rejection. In such cases, dishonesty is more a symptom than a solution: it reveals a survival mechanism for evading a difficult feeling, but it does not resolve its root cause. Even so, the responsibility for change always lies with the one who acts dishonestly.
Dishonesty Affects the Entire Relationship
It is important to distinguish between understanding and justification. Dishonesty can be understood, as it may stem from one’s upbringing, traumatic experiences, or learned patterns of interaction. Yet understanding can never justify the continuation of behaviour that undermines trust. A relationship cannot thrive if one partner repeatedly hides the truth or denies their own motives.
Dishonesty is not merely a private issue for one person. It affects both partners and shapes the entire atmosphere of the relationship. For this reason, the pursuit of honesty is always a shared responsibility.
Dishonesty is emotionally exhausting
Dishonesty is, at its core, a distortion of reality within the relationship.
When dishonesty becomes a pattern, it causes the other partner to question their own perceptions, lose their sense of clarity, and live in a constant state of vigilance. This is not merely about sadness or disappointment – it is a psychologically draining condition that can create emotional insecurity and, over time, lead to profound exhaustion.
No one should be expected to “endure” being the object of dishonesty. A relationship in which one partner continually hides their inner truth cannot be equal or sustainable. And the cost is not borne by the other alone: dishonesty is equally heavy for the one who conceals. Hiding from oneself blocks the growth of authentic selfhood and interrupts the deeper process that Jung described as individuation – the journey towards a more whole and truthful self.
Dishonesty also compels us to look at ourselves
Although the responsibility for dishonesty lies with the one who engages in it, the other partner may still benefit from reflecting on the inner reactions the situation stirs within them. This does not mean adapting to a partner’s dishonesty, but rather finding clarity about what truly wounds or offends. Equally important is pausing to consider one’s own authenticity in the relationship, for a partnership is not a stage where one is “good” and the other “bad,” but a space where both can examine their own choices. Such reflection often helps in realising how one wishes to respond.
Rebuilding a Relationship After Dishonesty Has Broken Trust
Trust is the deepest bond in a relationship. When it is broken, the foundation of the partnership collapses: words lose their weight, promises lose their value, and intimacy gives way to caution. The loss of trust does not always mean the end of the relationship, but it does mean the relationship cannot continue as it was. The old ground has crumbled, and if the couple chooses to stay together, they must build an entirely new foundation.
What does trust mean?
Trust is more than the assurance that a partner will not lie. It is the lived experience of being open and vulnerable without fear of exploitation. Trust grows through small, consistent actions: the alignment of words and deeds, the presence of the other even in difficult moments, and the freedom to be oneself without constant self-protection.
Responsibility and how it is shared
When trust has been lost, the everyday pillars of the relationship must be rebuilt slowly and consistently. The primary responsibility rests with the one who has broken that trust. They must show through their actions—not merely words—that change is possible. This may involve openness, honest accounting of past actions, and a willingness to face the consequences.
Yet the partner who has been hurt also has an active role. Their task is not only to wait and observe, but to recognise what they themselves need in order to remain in the relationship, and to express it clearly. At times, this may mean setting boundaries; at other times, creating distance so that emotions can be processed and the mind can find calm.
Steps to Rebuilding Trust
1. Acknowledging the Truth
Without honesty and openness, there is nothing on which to build. Trust cannot be restored if the past remains unclear. The truth may be painful, but it is the only way out of deception.
2. Taking Responsibility Without Defensiveness
The one who broke trust cannot hide behind excuses or justifications. Taking responsibility means saying, “I did this. It was wrong. I want to change.” This is not a one-time act, but an attitude reflected in everyday choices.
3. Consistent Actions
Trust is rebuilt not with words alone, but through repeated actions that align with those words. Even small gestures, such as keeping promises or communicating openly, gradually create the experience that the other person can be relied upon.
4. Making Space for Grief and Anger
The partner whose trust has been broken must be allowed to express their pain. Rushing forgiveness or dismissing feelings only keeps the wound open. Allowing grief and anger is not the end of the relationship, but a necessary part of its reconstruction.
5. Seeing the Dishonest Partner as More Than Their Actions
A person who has acted dishonestly is not defined solely by their mistakes. They are a whole human being who has made choices with consequences, yet also has the capacity to grow and make amends. When the dishonest partner is not reduced only to their actions, the relationship moves beyond a simple good–bad dynamic toward a more realistic understanding of human nature. Responsibility remains, but there is room to see the other as fallible and yet capable of change. Trust can only be rebuilt when both partners are willing to see each other as whole individuals.
6. Creating a New Shared Language
When trust has been broken, old patterns of interaction are no longer sufficient. New practices are needed: regular conversations, honesty exercises, and consciously nurturing shared time. It is like learning a new language, where words and actions once again begin to correspond.
A Jungian Perspective: The Shadow Does Not Dissolve Without Confrontation
According to Carl Gustav Jung, every person carries an inner shadow – the unconscious aspects of themselves they would rather deny. Dishonesty often arises from this shadow. People hide because they are unwilling to face their own shame, anger, fear, or conflicting desires.
A relationship, however, can offer the opportunity to confront these shadows together. This requires both partners to be willing to acknowledge their vulnerable and unfinished aspects without roles or avoidance. Only then does honesty become not an obligation, but a chance to build the relationship on a more authentic foundation.
Jung suggested that crisis can open the door to transformation. The loss of trust may bring the shadow to light – those parts one has tried to hide from oneself and from the other. When these shadow aspects are acknowledged, the relationship can deepen in ways that would not have been possible without the crisis. This, however, requires both partners to look honestly not only at each other, but also at themselves.
In Conclusion
Trust can never be fully restored to what it once was. Yet, if both partners are willing to do the work, something deeper can grow in its place: a renewed kind of trust, no longer based on naïve assumptions, but on the tested experience that words and actions align.
The breaking of trust is a wound, but it can also mark the beginning of a new phase in the relationship – one in which both partners agree to live more openly and authentically. Honesty does not arise automatically; it is a choice that requires courage, yet it rewards with deeper trust, more genuine connection, and the freedom to be oneself without fear.
