The power of letting go
We all have moments when we want to hold on to hope (and often to the past), even though reason and reality tell us that time has run out. Whether it's a close relationship, a health crisis, a career, or our own internal struggle, we sometimes have a tendency to hope that things can change if we just wait, grind, and believe long enough. This desire to hold on doesn't always stem from a life-giving hope, but can be a fear of letting go. Sometimes true freedom and healing can only be found when we dare to let go.
When Hope Becomes a Burden
When hope turns into a burden, carrying it no longer moves us forward but instead binds us harmfully in place. The hope that once gave us strength and faith in a better future can, at some point, turn against us if it becomes a tool to avoid facing reality. We hope for something to change, for things to get better, for a miracle to happen – and so we wait, delay decisions, and persist on the same worn path. Meanwhile, life passes by, our energy fades, and false hope lengthens our journey through suffering and prevents a new chapter from beginning.
"The hope that once gave us strength and faith in a better future can, at some point, turn against us if it becomes a tool to avoid facing reality."
In negative patterns, such as harmful relationships or draining work environments, similar cycles often repeat: there are good moments that spark hope for change, but they always give way to worse periods. In relationships, this might mean a pattern where problems are followed by a brief calm and promises to improve, only for the old issues to return soon after.
In work, you may experience a cycle where fleeting recognition or promises bring hope for improvement, but eventually, stress, uncertainty, and lack of appreciation return. While you wait for the next small reward, the overall situation remains unchanged, and your well-being declines. True change requires fixing the core issues, not just temporary relief.
If a person does not recognize this cyclicality, he may be left swinging between hope and disappointment. Life starts to feel like a seesaw, where the good moments just balance the bad ones, but the whole thing doesn't move forward. This constant swing can cause mental strain and nausea, as year after year you expect a change that never happens. Only when you see the pattern is it possible to step out of this swinging state and free yourself from the instability it brings.
Partial conditioning is a phenomenon where rewards or positive experiences are given irregularly, which makes them unpredictable and thus particularly addictive. Occasional good moments make a person hold on to hope, even if the situation is bad most of the time. The brain learns to expect these occasional rewards, which makes it difficult to let go, as the person gets stuck in a cycle of hope and disappointment, always waiting for the next little good moment that reinforces the expectation, even if the big picture is harmful.
Recognize when waiting turns harmful
Giving up is challenging because it can evoke a sense of defeat and the fear of losing something valuable forever. We have been taught that hope is a good thing and that persistence is rewarded. But what happens when hope turns into nothing more than prolonging the pain? When the expectation of better keeps us in a situation that consumes more than it gives, it's time to ask: what am I really holding on to? And why?
With a terminally ill loved one, there may come a moment when we realize that even more than we are afraid of losing them, we are afraid of facing our own sadness and loneliness. In this case, letting go does not mean lovelessness, but a deep acceptance of the inevitable course of life. Although hope is a powerful emotion, it is not always our friend. Sometimes it's the ending that gives us the space to accept what is and find peace.
Waiting can become harmful, and recognizing it is important for your own well-being. The first sign of this is constant exhaustion or frustration in waiting for change. In this case, it is worth stopping and considering whether these expectations really serve inner balance and growth. Another warning sign is the repetition of thought patterns without change – if you expect a different outcome without doing anything differently, you will easily stay where you are. If the good moments are getting rarer and rarer, it's time to evaluate whether the expectations are realistic and whether they bring a real change in life.
Third, if friends or family begin to express concern that stuck expectations are having a negative impact, that is a clear sign that the situation needs to be reviewed. In addition, if you start avoiding new opportunities or people just because you expect old problems to be solved, you can be trapped in a harmful vicious circle. Finally, if thinking about the future causes constant anxiety or fear, it's worth asking yourself: can you really trust that things will change, or is this illusion preventing you from moving forward?
There are times when the only real freedom and relief is found in letting go. When we dare to admit that nothing will change in the situation, it's time to give ourselves permission to continue the journey. When you dare to let go, new energy takes its place. Letting go often feels scary at first – like jumping into an unknown void. But it is precisely that emptiness that makes room for the new. This may mean the birth of a new opportunity or simply that we no longer waste our resources on changing the impossible. The art of letting go requires the ability to distinguish when it is time to maintain hope and when it is time to give up.
Examples of letting go
There are many situations in our lives where maintaining false hope can prevent us from making necessary changes. Here are a few examples of where letting go can open the door to new opportunity.
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An endless dispute: We may be involved in a conflict where the same issues come up again and again without resolution. It may seem necessary to continue the dispute in the hope that an agreement will eventually be reached. However, if the conversation is going round and round and neither party is ready to listen or be flexible, it's important to recognize when it's time to let go of the endless argument. Letting go in this situation can mean ending the argument, even if no agreement is reached, and focusing on maintaining your own peace of mind.
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Damaged friendships: We may find that a friendship that once felt meaningful has become unbalanced in terms of giving and receiving. Although it is best to first try to correct the situation with an open discussion, a constant imbalance can lead to disappointment and exhaustion. Letting go in this case may mean accepting that some friendships no longer support mutual well-being, and it's time to make room for more balanced and reciprocal relationships.
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Suffering of a loved one: We may face a situation where a loved one is suffering from a serious illness or emotional pain and we cannot do anything about it, despite our best efforts. This can cause us deep frustration and a feeling of powerlessness. Letting go, in this case, can mean accepting that we can't always save someone else, and that it's perfectly acceptable to experience our own emotions, such as sadness and anxiety, while giving space to our loved one in their own process.
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A dream that no longer serves: We all have dreams, but sometimes they no longer fit the reality of our lives. We hold on to an old dream, even though it no longer feels like ours. Instead of hanging on to it, we can let go and make room for new goals and passions.
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Health crisis: When we face a serious illness, maintaining hope can give strength, but at some point we also have to admit that healing is not always possible. This letting go can feel overwhelming because it means letting go of the hope we've been clinging to. However, when we accept that not everything is in our own hands, space can be created for deeper peace and a new kind of presence — moments take on meaning as they are, without expectations of change.
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Changing jobs: We may be in a job that no longer feels meaningful or motivating. Daily tasks take more energy than they give, and we start to feel undervalued. Even if the change feels uncertain, it is good to recognize the moment when work no longer develops or supports us, and understand that looking for a new job can be the solution to achieving better balance and satisfaction.
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Limiting Beliefs: We all have different limiting beliefs such as "I 'm not good enough", "I don't deserve success" or "change is too hard". No one is perfect, and these thoughts can stop us from moving forward or seizing opportunities. When we learn to recognize and challenge these beliefs, we can free ourselves from their chains and open doors to new possibilities and growth in self-confidence.
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Harmful Spirituality: We may belong to a spiritual community where black and white thinking prevails, and criticism of the community's leaders or practices is not accepted. In such an environment, it is easy to feel that one's doubts or feelings are not acceptable, which can lead to rejecting them and experiencing them as wrong, as well as isolation. Letting go in this situation can mean being able to question these limiting norms and find your own, authentic spiritual path without fear of judgment.
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Letting go of old habits: If we find that certain daily routines, such as neglecting exercise or healthy eating habits, are preventing us from achieving our wellness goals, we may be in vain hoping that things will change on their own. By letting go of old, harmful habits and admitting that change requires an active effort, we can adopt new and more positive practices that actually move us towards greater well-being.
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Accepting the stage of life: Expectations associated with different stages of life can be harmful, such as the desire to return to the freedom of youth or old ways of life. Letting go in this case can mean accepting the present moment and embracing its values, leading to a more peaceful and contented life.
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Unrealistic comparisons: Social media can cause pressure and comparison to others. If you find that this causes anxiety or feelings of inadequacy, it may be necessary to let go of the constant comparison and focus on your own path and achievements.
A new beginning is found in giving up
Although giving up hope sometimes feels like giving up, it can be anything but. It is actually liberation. It's a decision to stop fighting windmills and focus resources where they can truly make an impact. It is respecting oneself and the cyclical nature of life.
Letting go does not mean hopelessness, but believing that there is a better way to be and live. It's trusting that while we don't have control over everything, we do have control over where we direct our energy and love. And sometimes the greatest strength is found only in letting go of what no longer serves us.
Letting go can be painful, but it's also liberating. When we stop waiting for what will never come, we can really start living.